Honestly, I am going to try to blog regularly - I find myself journaling/blogging in my head, but somehow getting it actually out of me feels better.
My last post, a couple of weeks ago, found me pretty down. I called and scheduled an appointment with a counselor but have since cancelled it. I think I need to first go see my primary care physician. Last July I saw her and my white cells were off. I was supposed to go back, but well, life gets in the way. I want to make sure that is ok and also talk to her about restless leg syndrome. I may check in to some meds for the depression as well.
Although, on that front, I'm doing much much better. I sat down with hubby and had it out. I let everything out and for once, he sat and listened. I think he had seen how down I was and knew how serious things were. We both got a lot off our chests and afterwards I felt much better. I've been voicing my needs and concerns and although there has been a little friction, it's been better and I know that despite wanting to kill him sometimes (kidding! - any wife knows what I mean), I do love him.
The talk helped and I have been making sure to voice things both at home and at work so that I'm not bottling the stress - which I am horribly guilty of doing. I'm also working on praying more and really focusing on things in my day. I've been taking time at night to think about the best part of my day, the worst part of my day, the funniest part, and something I would change. It's helped me to put things in perspective.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Year
I've been horrible about blogging, but I really feel a need to keep a journal and so I've decided to do so here. This past year has been hard for me. Rob has not worked since September 2008 and so is always here. At first he tried really hard to find a job but I think as no jobs came, depression came and with it gout. It's been a true test for us. I love him, I honestly do. But the man drives me insane. I want the gout to go away. I want him to realize how he talks sometimes. I want him to find a job that makes him happy. I think that's the hardest part. He used to be so much fun and was full of love and life. He hasn't been that person for several years and I miss him. I want him to be happy again and I want to be happy again.
I have been so terribly depressed lately. Christmas was a bad day - just really down. The past few days have been horrid as well. I can't eat, I'm tired, I am crying constantly. I feel as if a huge weight is sitting on top of my chest.
Bills are terrible but I am able to stay on top of most. Rob had a few credit cards, that don't have my name on it and those are unpaid. He has to go to court Tuesday for one of them. I'm really scared of the outcome.
However, I am trying to be optimistic. I made some resolutions, although I hate to call them that, on New Years. One is to read the bible or a prayer book daily. Another is to end each day in prayer telling the good and bad things of the day. Another is to try to be more positive for Ryan. It's tough to keep up the facade for him and not take out my frustration on him. I'm trying and God love him, he's an awesome kid! I want to play with him more and enjoy him and his childhood more. I also want to lose some weight which I think will help in all areas so I started on my metformin again last night. We'll see if I keep it up. I'm going to try. Tomorrow I'm also going to start my day with some exercises to try to boost my endorphins and help it to be a more positive day.
Wish me luck!
I have been so terribly depressed lately. Christmas was a bad day - just really down. The past few days have been horrid as well. I can't eat, I'm tired, I am crying constantly. I feel as if a huge weight is sitting on top of my chest.
Bills are terrible but I am able to stay on top of most. Rob had a few credit cards, that don't have my name on it and those are unpaid. He has to go to court Tuesday for one of them. I'm really scared of the outcome.
However, I am trying to be optimistic. I made some resolutions, although I hate to call them that, on New Years. One is to read the bible or a prayer book daily. Another is to end each day in prayer telling the good and bad things of the day. Another is to try to be more positive for Ryan. It's tough to keep up the facade for him and not take out my frustration on him. I'm trying and God love him, he's an awesome kid! I want to play with him more and enjoy him and his childhood more. I also want to lose some weight which I think will help in all areas so I started on my metformin again last night. We'll see if I keep it up. I'm going to try. Tomorrow I'm also going to start my day with some exercises to try to boost my endorphins and help it to be a more positive day.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
The ABC's of Me
I was reading another blog and found this and really liked it. Here's a little bit about me:
A is for age:When I turned 30, I was despondent and decided I was OLD! I was newly married, no children – by my ‘lifeplan’ when I was a kid, I was supposed to marry at 22, have my first child by 25 and by 30 be a happily married mother of 3. Didn’t happen. Now that I’m 37, happily married and mother of one, I feel young and like my whole life is ahead of me.
B is for burger of choice:I’m not a huge burger person, but I’d have to go with Grampa’s Burgers here in Denver. They are mouth watering and huge – not your typical burger joint.
C is for what kind of car you drive:A 2005 light green Ford Taurus. I love it – lots of room and lots of power.
D is for your dog's name:I’ve never actually had a real live dog. I have a stuffed dog that saw me through my teenage turmoil and not so roaring 20s. His name was Eddie. Ryan has been bugging us for a puppy so while in Iowa, I let him pick out a stuffed puppy which he named Butter; he sleeps with him nightly.
E is for essential item you use everyday:Water.
F is for favorite TV show at the moment:Since it’s summer there’s not much on but we like Hell’s Kitchen, Jon & Kate Plus 8, and reruns of George Lopez.
G is for favorite game:Going back and forth with Ryan: Mommy! Ryan! Mommy! Ryan! Mommy! Ryan!
H is for Home State:Iowa
I is for instruments you play:When I was in 4th grade I learned the recorder.
J is for favorite juice:Does lemonade count?
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:I’m not really a violent person but there are certain people who shall remain nameless that I just never want to see again.
L is for last restaurant at which you ate?Outback – they had a luncheon for volunteers and my partner teacher and I went – it was great because I left Ryan at home with a babysitter which means I actually got to eat!
M is for your favorite Muppet:Oscar the Grouch – is he a muppet?
N is for Number of Piercings:4 – two in each ear
O is for overnight hospital stays:None until I was 31 and had my appendix out – I was in for 3 nights. Then when I had Ryan I was in for 4 nights.
P is for people you were with today:Mainly Ryan; but also my sister, niece, and brother in law for a while and then tonight with Rob & Ryan.
Q is for what you do with your quiet time:knit, read
R is for biggest regret:Not speaking my mind more – I really let people take advantage of me, but I’ve been trying to wear my big girls pants more.
S is for status:I’m in a great place with a good husband and a great son.
T is for time you woke up today:6:45 when Ryan decided it was time to get up and turned on cartoons
U is for what you consider unique about yourself:everything
V is for vegetable you love:corn on the cob from Iowa
W is for worst habit:Not speaking my mind
X is for x-rays you've had:Yikes – arm x 2, leg x 2, teeth x a lot, head x 2, I can’t remember the rest
Y is for yummy food you ate today:Cheerios Snack Mix (Cheddar) – I bought it for Ryan but it’s really good!
Z is for zodiac:I am a Taurus to the nth degree.
A is for age:When I turned 30, I was despondent and decided I was OLD! I was newly married, no children – by my ‘lifeplan’ when I was a kid, I was supposed to marry at 22, have my first child by 25 and by 30 be a happily married mother of 3. Didn’t happen. Now that I’m 37, happily married and mother of one, I feel young and like my whole life is ahead of me.
B is for burger of choice:I’m not a huge burger person, but I’d have to go with Grampa’s Burgers here in Denver. They are mouth watering and huge – not your typical burger joint.
C is for what kind of car you drive:A 2005 light green Ford Taurus. I love it – lots of room and lots of power.
D is for your dog's name:I’ve never actually had a real live dog. I have a stuffed dog that saw me through my teenage turmoil and not so roaring 20s. His name was Eddie. Ryan has been bugging us for a puppy so while in Iowa, I let him pick out a stuffed puppy which he named Butter; he sleeps with him nightly.
E is for essential item you use everyday:Water.
F is for favorite TV show at the moment:Since it’s summer there’s not much on but we like Hell’s Kitchen, Jon & Kate Plus 8, and reruns of George Lopez.
G is for favorite game:Going back and forth with Ryan: Mommy! Ryan! Mommy! Ryan! Mommy! Ryan!
H is for Home State:Iowa
I is for instruments you play:When I was in 4th grade I learned the recorder.
J is for favorite juice:Does lemonade count?
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:I’m not really a violent person but there are certain people who shall remain nameless that I just never want to see again.
L is for last restaurant at which you ate?Outback – they had a luncheon for volunteers and my partner teacher and I went – it was great because I left Ryan at home with a babysitter which means I actually got to eat!
M is for your favorite Muppet:Oscar the Grouch – is he a muppet?
N is for Number of Piercings:4 – two in each ear
O is for overnight hospital stays:None until I was 31 and had my appendix out – I was in for 3 nights. Then when I had Ryan I was in for 4 nights.
P is for people you were with today:Mainly Ryan; but also my sister, niece, and brother in law for a while and then tonight with Rob & Ryan.
Q is for what you do with your quiet time:knit, read
R is for biggest regret:Not speaking my mind more – I really let people take advantage of me, but I’ve been trying to wear my big girls pants more.
S is for status:I’m in a great place with a good husband and a great son.
T is for time you woke up today:6:45 when Ryan decided it was time to get up and turned on cartoons
U is for what you consider unique about yourself:everything
V is for vegetable you love:corn on the cob from Iowa
W is for worst habit:Not speaking my mind
X is for x-rays you've had:Yikes – arm x 2, leg x 2, teeth x a lot, head x 2, I can’t remember the rest
Y is for yummy food you ate today:Cheerios Snack Mix (Cheddar) – I bought it for Ryan but it’s really good!
Z is for zodiac:I am a Taurus to the nth degree.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I Looooooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee Summer!!!
I am loving summer! It's not that I don't enjoy my summer break every year, but this year seems even better. We started with a trip to Iowa/South Dakota for a friend's wedding, followed up by mother in law's knee replacement and a 10 day visit from Rob's sister and nephew so it was a crazy start, but now everything is calm and we are loving it!
Ryan and I have gone swimming almost every day this week. From the beginning he's been a water baby but he is having such a blast in the water. He does really well with his arm floaty and today he made a littl friend and they were jumping in from the edge together - the kid has no fear. I love it too as it's a great way to cool off, spend quality time with my boy and at the same time, exhaust him so he'll take a good nap when we get home. :)
Monday we're starting potty training - should be interesting. Today he actually came in to me and said, 'No Diaper,' and took it off. I showed him his big boy underwear and he wanted to wear them. Yes! I'm hoping this will be easy but I'm not holding my breath. The kid can be darn stubborn when he wants.
I've been knitting a ton. So far this summer I've done a few inches on, I think 6 scarves. I've also been knitting mini stockings, a mini sweater and I'm trying mini hats for the mini exchange. They're addictive. I've got it down to a science and can usually get one done during Ryan's nap. Of course, being summer, I've been napping then too so I usually knit while he's playing or in teh evening after he's in bed.
Off to knit (Ry's asleep after swimming this a.m.)
Ryan and I have gone swimming almost every day this week. From the beginning he's been a water baby but he is having such a blast in the water. He does really well with his arm floaty and today he made a littl friend and they were jumping in from the edge together - the kid has no fear. I love it too as it's a great way to cool off, spend quality time with my boy and at the same time, exhaust him so he'll take a good nap when we get home. :)
Monday we're starting potty training - should be interesting. Today he actually came in to me and said, 'No Diaper,' and took it off. I showed him his big boy underwear and he wanted to wear them. Yes! I'm hoping this will be easy but I'm not holding my breath. The kid can be darn stubborn when he wants.
I've been knitting a ton. So far this summer I've done a few inches on, I think 6 scarves. I've also been knitting mini stockings, a mini sweater and I'm trying mini hats for the mini exchange. They're addictive. I've got it down to a science and can usually get one done during Ryan's nap. Of course, being summer, I've been napping then too so I usually knit while he's playing or in teh evening after he's in bed.
Off to knit (Ry's asleep after swimming this a.m.)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Ouch - Too Too Long!
Wow! It's been so long since I've been on here. The school year sucked me in and just now has spit me out. Some fun things have happened since then though...
~Ryan is talking up a storm! It's so fun to see and hear him express his opinons and tell us stories, read us books, sing us songs, etc.
~I got a wonderful birthday package from my birthday swap partner. I got 2 skeins of merino wool in different weights. I'm going to use one to knit my first pair of socks and the other for a scarf (I think). I also got some new beautiful stitch markers and a stitch counter bracelet.
~I am learning some new stitches thanks to the Traveling Scarf group on ravelry. The people in my group are awesome and all the scarves I've seen are beautiful. I can't wait for mine to get home.
~I started knitting mini socks for another group from ravelry. They're taking me about an hour or so so I've gotten quite a few done. I'm thinking about knitting up a bunch for the teachers for Christmas as well.
~I just joined another swap on ravelry (I love that place!). It's the Books & More swap.
~The best news: Summer is Here! Woo Hoo! I'm so excited to spend the summer with my little guy. Tomorrow we're cleaning and then hopefully the rest of the week is ours to enjoy.
~Ryan is talking up a storm! It's so fun to see and hear him express his opinons and tell us stories, read us books, sing us songs, etc.
~I got a wonderful birthday package from my birthday swap partner. I got 2 skeins of merino wool in different weights. I'm going to use one to knit my first pair of socks and the other for a scarf (I think). I also got some new beautiful stitch markers and a stitch counter bracelet.
~I am learning some new stitches thanks to the Traveling Scarf group on ravelry. The people in my group are awesome and all the scarves I've seen are beautiful. I can't wait for mine to get home.
~I started knitting mini socks for another group from ravelry. They're taking me about an hour or so so I've gotten quite a few done. I'm thinking about knitting up a bunch for the teachers for Christmas as well.
~I just joined another swap on ravelry (I love that place!). It's the Books & More swap.
~The best news: Summer is Here! Woo Hoo! I'm so excited to spend the summer with my little guy. Tomorrow we're cleaning and then hopefully the rest of the week is ours to enjoy.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Too Long!!!
It has been way too long since I have posted here. I've been knitting, reading, teaching, living, etc. etc. I have a swap going right now - a birthday swap - fun fun! I'm getting goodies together for my birthday partner and will be mailing it off before May 16. I'm also working on some dishcloths for my school's auction. I really want to start some socks too - I'm itching to do socks, but lately it seems I just don't have time. I'm hoping things start to relax and I can get some more quality knitting done.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Happy Birthday Baby!
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Ryan! Happy Birthday to you!
A huge happy 2nd Birthday to my baby boy - I can't believe he's 2 already! Where has the time gone? We're having a little party for him this afternoon with just a few close friends. Now if I can only get him to nap beforehand!
A huge happy 2nd Birthday to my baby boy - I can't believe he's 2 already! Where has the time gone? We're having a little party for him this afternoon with just a few close friends. Now if I can only get him to nap beforehand!
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